Marriage by Grace

May 29, 2006

Dear Children,

Your mother and I are now at the age, it seems, when we are starting to see more and more married couples we have known that are close to our age (late twenties, early thirties) headed for divorce. Currently, I could list three marriages in which both the husband and wife at one time professed faith in Christ, but in each of these marriages one of the partners has or is committing adultery and refuses to repent.

Currently, your mom and I are quite thrilled with one another. Having your mom as my wife is one of the reasons I have no problem believing that God is gracious toward me! But is our marriage strong because we are so loving toward one another? Have we avoided falling because we are so smart and our friends were not? Well, there is definitely human responsibility involved in growing together as husband and wife, but ultimately the reason we remain and grow together is the grace of God. Amy Maxwell, our dear friend and sister in Christ, has addressed this issue so thoughtfully that I want to provide her thoughts below (these were originally recorded on her husband's blog, "Blind Man's Fancy"):

"Our prayer walk began in its usual way today. I unloaded the stroller, buckled Lidi in and then she and I began our quiet stroll through neighborhoods and our favorite city park. I began thanking God for the cool breeze, the towering trees that give us shade, the soft grass that is wet on our feet, the songs of PRAISE from birds soaring through the air.

I then began to pray for our dear friends and family. Every day I persist in prayer for each of them believing that God CAN restore broken relationships. How I hurt over our dear friends who are teetering on the brink of divorce. I weep just thinking about those we love the most being ripped apart by lies: lies that stem from the very lust of their own hearts (James 1).

But, today as I was pleading on behalf of those I love and lifting up my heart's requests, my Father gently spoke to me! How I treasure those times of prayer when I can hear that gentle whisper of the Father, speaking truth and reminding me of who He is!

No longer do I hear my own babblings and selfish desires. No longer is my mind racing and wandering with each new request. No longer is it me that takes front and center. But it is God alone who holds my attention. It is He alone that speaks so loudly that everything else is silenced and still.

I am humbled.

My Father gently reminded me today that I am no different than my adulterous friends. I am no different from the man who abandons his wife and child searching for a life free of rules and conviction. I am no different from the women who got pregnant out of wedlock. I am no different than the man who sits at his computer overtaken by images of pornography. I am no different from the man who beats his wife. I am that very same sinner.

As my Father replayed the images of my life and reckless sin, I began to see His ever present hand.

What has made my marriage different? What has kept my life intact? It is nothing I have done. It is not because I am "good" enough or that I have the strength to restrain myself. It is only through the provision, mercy, grace and love of my Father. For reasons we may never know this side of Heaven, He allows His hand to raise a bit higher on some, letting them reap the full consequences of their sin. And yet, for others, He keeps them close in the "shadow of His wings" (Psalm 57).

As I remembered my stupid, selfish, ignorant sin, I was overwhelmed with gratitude and humility. Why did God spare me? Why did He not let me rot in my sin and spiral down into the trenches of Hell?

I see a Father who is ever present. He is always with me, teaching me and correcting me. He is a Father who disciplines. Sometimes it may have been a gentle reminder through His Word. And yet, sometimes His discipline has been hard and painful.

But my Father has always been there, always loving and always wise! It is my Father who has been at work in me, not I. I see how He has been at work all of these years transforming me and conforming me into the likeness of my elder brother, Christ Jesus!"

Kids, please pray that God would continue to pour out His grace upon mom and me "until death do us part." And may you consistently recognize your sinfulness and zealously depend upon the provision, mercy, grace, and love of God in Christ both in your lives and, if God provides a spouse, in your marriages.

Grace to You,
Dad

Daddy's (bad, boring, unimpressive, etc.) Preaching

May 9, 2006

Dear Katie,

Recently, you were sitting on my knee, and you said to me, "Daddy, I don't like your preaching." I responded, "Do you think you ever will?" You pondered my question for a few seconds and, with all the sincerity a child at the age of three could muster, stated, "No, I don't think so." Then, as I was about to ask why you don't appreciate my preaching, you pointed to the sky and said, "Look, Daddy, it's purple." Two things come to my mind as I ponder that dialogue:

1. You don't like Daddy's preaching, but you sure do love Daddy! For now, that's good enough for me!

2. I'm not that concerned about what you think of Daddy's style of preaching (although fewer 'ums' and 'uhs' would make for better communication, I'm sure!), but will pray fervently that you will be given a new heart that loves the Gospel I preach. Of course, I can't make that happen-I'll leave that one to the Author of salvation (see John 6:44). I'm reminded of the story Geoff Thomas (a pastor in Wales) tells about an interview some elders (pastors) of a church had with two teenage boys who were seeking to become members of that local church. The preaching elder, Douglas MacMillan, said, "Tell us what changes have taken place in your life that would lead us to believe you have been converted." One of the boys replied, "Oh, it was no change in us. The change was in you, about six months ago, when your preaching got interesting." Thomas used this story as an illustration of what happened to Lydia in Acts 16:14 (the Lord opened her heart to believe), and then concluded of these teenage boys, "Of course it was no change in Douglas' preaching. What had happened was that the Lord had opened their hearts at that time and then the preaching seemed more relevant, and the worship more enjoyable and Sunday was no longer a boring day." Sweet Katie, how I hope that one day Daddy's preaching, as long as it is the Biblical Gospel, will become interesting to you! I long and pray for the day when you look me in the eyes and say, "Daddy, I love the Gospel you preach!"

Until that day, I want you to know that today, the sky is blue.

Prayerfully,
Daddy

Whew!

April 19, 2006

Hi Kids,

What a couple of weeks it has been! First, we had the privilege of Jim Elliff ministering the Word to our church. Do you remember Mr. Elliff? He brought his son Bryan along as well. Of all that we appreciated about Jim's ministry to us (and there were many things!), we especially appreciated his humility. Luke, I hope to be as Godly of an example for you as Jim seems to be for his son. Something else really struck me about Jim's preaching: I have had the privilege of hearing Alistair Begg, John Piper, John MacArthur, Mark Dever, and many other fine men preach in person, but Jim has to be the best I have ever heard at communicating truths that are hard for humans to accept (sovereign election, regeneration precedes conversion, etc.) in a very patient and disarming way. Oh how I hope you subject yourselves to a preacher that declares the Word with passion, a preacher who declares the whole counsel of God, but a preacher without a spirit of 'meanness or arrogance.' Consider Titus 1:7-8, "For an overseer, as God's steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined." Oh how I pray that I am that kind of man! If I'm still alive when you are reading this, would you please pray for me to that end?

Last weekend, we went up to see Granddad and Grandma Burchett, and we also got to see Kevin, Vicki, Austin, and Kaleb (along with other family). Katie, you think Austin is hilarious! It was a fun trip, and then we made it back to be with our church and guests on Resurrection Sunday (which is normally a good thing when you're the pastor!). Luke, you stayed home with Mom on Sunday because you had a fever. Katie, you came with me early, and then I handed you off to Mrs. Bumgarner and Mrs. Parry--two Godly saints, indeed! Where would the church in America be without selfless women like these? It's a scary thought. Give thanks to God for Christian women!

Monday night, your mother and I had the privilege of going out to eat with a missionary couple, and their daughter stayed back and watched you. Time spent with missionaries is time well-spent, in my opinion. What stories! What faith! What a vision of God and His power and grace they have!

Katie, you ended up getting the fever Monday and we think you are finally over it today (Wed.). Your mother is surely ready to get out of this house (!), but she loves to take care of you two. Tonight, we had a very good prayer meeting with the church--many people prayed, and I sensed a real reverence for God and a real genuineness in the prayers.

It's after 11, so I must get to bed. Tomorrow, after many hours of study already this week, I will attempt to write a sermon that is faithful to the meaning of Mark 4:35-41 and at the same time addresses the dear people God has entrusted to my care. I love you Katie and Luke.

May the Lord Bless You and Keep You,
Daddy

Sleeping Beauty

Dear Kids,

Someday, I will write a letter (maybe several letters) reminding you of why I married your mother. Today, I'll just share with you a brief story from the time when I was courting your mom and wondering whether or not she was "the one." I hope this story brings a smile to your face.

During college, your mother and I went for a weekend visit to Granddad and Grandma Burchett's. Mom and I were very excited about each other, but this weekend seemed to be an important couple of days in determining the future of our relationship... You see, this was going to be the first time that Mom spent around my extended family (Grandma's side of the family). There would be aunts and uncles and cousins, a very friendly bunch who truly enjoy getting together for a large meal and an extended time of sitting around chit-chatting. However, along with the genuine friendliness came strong opinions, sometimes heated banter, and occassionally ruthless teasing! How would your mom handle such a situation? What would your mother do in such a setting? What did she do? She slept! That's right, as the evening progressed, and the opinions started flowing, and the banter heightened, and the teasing persisted, I looked over at your mom on the couch and I couldn't believe her eyes-they were shut!!! So much for the pressure of meeting the extended family!

As I contemplated Sleeping Beauty, I thought to myself, "If she can come into this environment and be so comfortable that she's willing to take a nap, maybe there's something to this gal." There was, and there is! God has been so kind to me, kids, in giving me your mother.

With Love,
Daddy

Believing Parents and the Grace of God

Dear Children,

On a few occassions, I have had the opportunity to counsel individuals who are contemplating giving up on Christ and Christianity thinking "maybe I only believe this because that's what my parents believe, and if I would have been born into a family of a different 'religious' persuasion, perhaps that's the way I would have gone," almost as if it is a burden having parents that believe in the exclusivity of Jesus Christ as the only way of salvation. In those situations, after being as sure as possible that the individual's parents are true believers in the Biblical Gospel, I then try to point the distressed individual to the loving grace of God, that though he in fact could have been born into a family that hates Christ, he was born into a family that loves Christ, and how that is clear-cut evidence of the grace of God at work in his life.

"How so," the individual normally asks.

"Because you have been born into a family that, by the grace of God, knows that Jesus Christ is the only way to God."

"How do you know He's the only way to God?"

"Because Jesus said so Himself in John 14:6, 'I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.' To say such a thing, he was either a crazy man telling lies, or He is indeed Lord and therefore the Son of God who came from heaven, became man (while remaining God), lived a life of perfect obedience to God's law, and became a worthy substitute for sinners on the cross, bearing their sins and facing the fury of a sin-hating God for all who would ever repent and believe in Christ."

I continue by saying something like this, "So the way I see it, you have been born to parents whom God has been pleased to open their minds and hearts to see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ! Don't turn your back on such undeserved grace! God, in His immense mercy, has saved your parents (or mom, or dad, or guardian, etc.). Sure, God could have witheld His mercy from them, and you could have been born into a family that has no care for Christ or His church, but consider what God has done for you in putting you into such a family, as imperfect as they are, yet saved by grace. You've heard the Gospel from them, you've heard that the crucified and resurected Jesus is the only means of forgiveness and reconciliation with your Creator, so think of it this way: What a wonder that God has provided a home for you in which that is believed and taught! You should not despise your parents beliefs. Instead, give thanks to God for His massive grace in saving them and revealing Himself through them, and then consider the claims and cross of Christ, and turn from your sins today and follow Him."

Kids, your mother and I are followers of the Lord Jesus Christ. You know this by now, but maybe you wonder 'why'? Was it ultimately because we believed in Christ? Well, we are 'believers,' but the reason we are 'believers' is because God first loved us and called us by His grace (Gal. 1:16). It was an effective, saving call, thanks be to God! As you look back on your childhood, and all of the Truth that we have sought to teach you, I hope you will remember at least a couple of things: Mom and Dad were sinners (that one should be easy!), and Mom and Dad loved this Savior named Jesus whom they said was there only hope of salvation from their sins...

I hear you asking, "Where are you going with this, Dad?" Here: If you ever begin to think that perhaps you believe the way we believe because that's all you've ever heard, and you start to doubt Christ is the real deal, then remember that God has been gracious in giving you parents who have been the recipients of His undeserved riches in Christ. Then what? Consider the claims of Christ yourself and contemplate the cross of Christ and seek the Lord while He may be found, and don't turn your back on God's grace in Christ, but turn to God in repentance and trust in the Lord Jesus Christ. Of course, don't believe it just because we believe it--believe in the Gospel because it is true!

And please hear me clearly: It's not that you've been born to great parents (although, in my estimation, you do have a great mother!), but you've been born to parents with a great and merciful God Who has withheld His wrath against them because their sins were on Christ at the cross and His righteousness was credited to them when they turned from their sinful selves and trusted in Christ alone for salvation. God has been gracious to your mother and me in saving us, God has been gracious to you because you get to see and experience desperate, pathetic, unworthy sinners saved by grace through faith in the One who is "the way, and the truth, and the life," and God will be merciful to you if you will rest in Christ alone for salvation.

Put simply, salvation, and all of the circumstances surrounding the rescue of a sinner, is a sovereign work of God, and in His sovereignty and mercy you are the kids of sinful people saved by grace. If you are yet to count the cost and follow Christ, don't turn your back on such undeserved grace! God is the holy Creator, we are rotten sinners, but Christ is a glorious Savior. Call upon the Lord to save you, and He will. And if you are already a follower of Jesus Christ at the time you are reading this, then persevere in trust and repentance until the end!

I love you dearly, kids!

Because of Sovereign Grace,
Dad

An Explanation

Dear Children,

I am quite uncertain at what age you will be reading this, but here is something that is absolutely certain: You are a gift from God to your mother and me, and we are blessed to have you in our quiver (Ps. 127:3-5). God has given you to us, so now we are responsible to give God to you. Of course, as you read this, you already know we have tried to do this, and how often we have failed... Nevertheless, by God's grace, we are seeking to bring you up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, and we are praying to God that He would be pleased to make your hearts good soil for the seed of the Gospel (I hope by the time you are reading this, you are already bearing fruit in your life for God's glory, but if not, won't you turn from your sin and trust in Christ alone! Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners. He died for sinners just like you. He is the resurrected Lord. Repent and Believe in Christ. Take up your cross and follow Him before it's too late.).

As I contemplate my God-given responsibilities as your father, I recognize that writing to you in a public forum does not rank too highly. My responsibilties to you are, of course, in the home and church through various means that I hope you are quite familiar with by now: family worship, corporate worship, scripture memory (thank your mother!), questions & answers (Katie, you know more sound theology at age 3 than I did at age 25--all "for God's glory"!), "Daddy Time", various teaching opportunities that occur in God's providence, showing you how a man is to love one woman, showing you and teaching you how to love God and neighbor, showing you how to love the bride of Christ, etc. (I know you're reading that and can remember far too many times that I have fallen short, and if there is any bitterness in you as you read this, would you please forgive me?)

So with those responsibilties already established, I began thinking how else I could sharpen you, and how I might be used to instruct you in the Lord even if I'm not alive anymore. Then, just the other day, I was thinking about a scenario that I can't even remember, but I do remember thinking to myself, "I hope to teach Luke the truth about this," and then I said, "Why don't I write him a letter," and then I said, "How about writing a blog to my kids in which I teach them and share with them biblical convictions I hope they embrace, and share with them stories from my life." Thus, Sharpening Arrows was born.

You might be wondering, "Why a blog and not just personal letters?" Good question. I wrestled with that one as well, and decided to do it this way for a few reasons.
1. I need help. Although I am writing to you, by letting others listen in, I am opening myself up to correction. Everything I write, apart from Scripture, is subject to correction (stop laughing and shaking your head in the affirmative!). I hope there will be old friends and new friends who will come along and help me out. Kids, we need to receive correction. "The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice" (Proverbs 12:15).
2. I hope the Lord might use some of what I say to help other parents who might be reading what I write. As I type that, I'm tempted to delete it because I don't feel like I have much to offer, but I'll let it stand. "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another" (Proverbs 27:17).
3. I'm praying that the Lord might use some of the content of these letters and the links provided at the blog (which are not there yet because your dad is clueless as to how to make that happen) to teach any non-Christians the Gospel, and that some, hearing that "in Christ God was reconciling the world to Himself" (2 Cor. 5:19), will come to Christ.

Obviously, my intention is not to write anything to you 'in public' that needs to be dealt with 'in private.' I simply want to teach and share. Sometimes, what I write will be pure teaching, other times I will share a personal story from my life (Katie, already at age 3 you are wondering, "What does daddy do all day 'at work'?"). Without a doubt, what I write will surely be boring to many, but that doesn't matter because I'm not writing to 'many,' but to you. I hope you are not bored! I love you, kids, and I pray that God's blessing will be upon my writing and your reading, or it will all be in vain (Ps. 127:1).

Sincerely Yours,
Daddy